Phantasma

By Darlaine Honey

“This piece is called ‘Phantasma’ . 

My body image, that of the schema of female body image around the breasts, is disconnected. 

After my breast cancer surgery (bilateral mastectomy) I could still feel my nipple on the cancer side, although the skin surface where the nipple used to be, was numb. It was the weirdest feeling, like an electrical lead with power in  and switched on, yet the power did not reach the desired end point.  Over time this sensation was less, and dissipated.  

In 2022 I had my post surgery  breast implants replaced due to capsular contracture. I woke up again with my phantasma. I could feel my nipple, but not my breast. The skin where the nipple once was is still numb. 

The psychology tied into female breasts is all encompassing as a life force and seems to have overridden the removal of the object. 

The peony has been stripped of its petals leaving the stamens, the stem is interrupted, cut, and dying back, the petals lay witness to what was.”

Advertisement