by Amy Jenner
And a little voice inside me said
I don’t want a new normal
I want to smoke an entire packet of Golden Virginia until I choke
I want to drink three bottles of shiraz
And dance on the table tops like I’ve never had a fucking care
I want to eat all the red raw steak
My body will allow and my mouth will take
But that is not allowed
And that little voice pipes up
No fags, no wine, no steak
And that voice is gathering strength
And it doesn’t stop there
No dairy, no meat, no processed muck
No late nights, no sunrises, no mountain peaks
No weight on the arm that has served
you till now
No empty bladder to see you through till day
No sex when you’re as dry and raw as a rotting bone
No running because your knees will not carry you
No nights out, your sadness will betray you
No nights in, your mind will fuck you up
No planning, there may be no need
No blankets piled high, you will drip with
Sweat and wish you’d never been born
Because this new normal
This transition
Makes you wish you were never born
But remember to feel grateful you’re alive
Grateful for your
New normal
Crying as I read this as it is true for me. Thank you. I’ve felt so alone and guilty for not being thrilled to be alive. Such a relief.
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